The Conundrum That Is A Punjabi Wedding

If you have never been involved in a Punjabi wedding, you have surely missed out on one of the most extravagant spectacles of life. The vast variety of characters and involved in such an event make it something which can never be missed.

Here, I wish to enlist some of the quirks involved in a Punjabi wedding which make it so unique.

1)There is always that old uncle or aunt of yours who is in no fit condition to dance but does so anyway.

2)The music is repetitive and almost always a bit too loud, both literally and figuratively.

3)The amount of booze available is easily enough to float a barge.

4)Every old uncle is drunk(no exceptions) so they have their crazy dancing shoes on no matter how bad they are at it.

5)The same song will easily get requested from the DJ at least 20 times.

6)Every 2 or 3 minutes, someone will come up asking you to eat a bit more.

7)The amount of cameras will make you wonder how many photo albums the couple plans to keep.

8)Each song played will attempt to out-Punjabi the previous one.

9)The amount of people crammed on the dance will make you wonder how India’s population problem will ever be solved.

10)The songs will almost certainly get a louder cheer than the actual ceremony itself.

11)Even if you’re sitting in the most secluded corner of the hall, you’ll hear at least one parent scold their kid and tell them in an almost sacrilegious way “Behave Yourself” as if they’ve stolen the Crown Jewels themselves.

12)Every kid at the wedding shall eventually suffer the embarrassment of watching their parents attempt to “dance” or at least do their version of it anyway.

13)The adults are either too uptight or too close(and drunk) for comfort.

14)There is always that hound of girls at each wedding who think discussing their mascara is more important than anything else in the world.

15)There is always that unwilling participant who is dragged onto the dance floor and suffers embarrassment which emotionally scars them for their entire life.

16)After hogging all the food,everyone criticises the food about how poor it was.

17)The problem of how much money to give to the couple suddenly seems more complex than the food crisis in Africa.

18)The lonely kid dancing on the dance floor before anyone else for the longest time is fun to watch after he is forced off the stage by the uncles and aunts who can never hope to match his moves.

19)The family politics at such a wedding are more fascinating than an entire season of Game of Thrones.

20)The jewellery and hairdos on display make you wonder whether you are at Fashion Week.

21)If the people at the wedding could have remembered important stuff the way they remember Honey Singh lyrics, who knows where they could have been today.

One thought on “The Conundrum That Is A Punjabi Wedding

  1. Interesting to read……..
    Some pictures of gifs, would’ve spiced it up right, and yes, detailing man…. detailing!
    Overall, fun to read….
    PS. I guess you just got back from one wedding so, “I feel you” 😛

    Liked by 1 person

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